Children and sleep

I’m just getting into having a new routine with a new baby having joined our family 3 weeks ago. My older daughter ( 3) has always had difficulty sleeping, she does sleep through when she’s in a bed with me but mainly wakes up twice a night and needs someone with her to go back to sleep. After her new sister arrived she had two weeks where she slept terribly and my husband was with her almost all of most nights resulting in him being exhausted and her shouting for me most of the night. When he went back to work I tried to take over her nights so husband could get some sleep and she went back to waking up once or twice a night and sometimes sleeping through. However with new baby waking up frequently for feeds im feeling pretty strung out/emotional/angry/upset when my three year old is waking me up.
I want to be a sturdy parent for her and find ms layering on top of the feelings I’m already having thought that she should be able to sleep and I should be able to handle it when she can’t sleep. Im not the parent I want to be right now and I worry that my emotional outbursts will hurt my 3 year old in some way. That she will feel unsteady in her home life which is already going through big changes. I love her so much but I can’t help resenting her right now, I don’t want to spend a lot of time with her but I think that I have to to make her feel more secure and hopefully that will help her sleep better. I’m feeling quite overwhelmed and although I’m having some nice moments with both daughters I wish I could feel more warmly towards my eldest.
I don’t know what my question is really, I’m feeling a bit victimy and not very self responsible/ go getty!

Answer:

Congratulations on your new little one. Postpartum is a space where we need lots of support. We also need to have a lot of patience with ourselves as we transition and heal in so many ways. Sleep deprivation is a real thing that affects brains, bodies and nervous systems.

What options do you have right now to support your family? What can you take off your plate or adjust in order to focus on what’s most important right now?

It’s ok you don’t know what to ask right now. If you want more coaching, a few spots that might help are your expectations of yourself, your expectations of your three year old, and loving yourself through a challenging time. We’re right here to support, tired, victimy or whatever version of you has questions.