Co-Parenting Relationship

C: My son asked to call his father, who he rarely sees. We tried calling, but his father didn’t pick up. I sent a message saying our son wanted to speak with him and that he could call us back between 6 PM an 7 PM. We didn’t hear from him, but the next day he sent this message: “I couldn’t call yesterday… You’ll let me know when again after today…”

F: Trapped

T: He’s pushing responsibility back to me.

A:
• Feel pressure to facilitate this call by suggesting another time.
• Consider responding with an invitation even though I don’t trust he’ll follow through.
• Start overthinking how to manage this interaction.
• Feel resentment and frustration.

R: I end up carrying more responsibility and stepping into a dynamic I don’t want, while also not respecting my own boundaries.

Background:
I’ve had a codependent relationship with my son’s father in the past and took on way too much responsibility during that time. Even after we separated, I often facilitated their contact—organizing visits, sending photos, bringing my son to South Africa to see him, and making sure they had quality time together.

During our last visit, I finally set some boundaries, which upset him. Since then, he hasn’t contacted us for months. Now that my son asked to speak to him, I honored that request by reaching out, but I find his response typical—passive and avoiding responsibility.

This is where I feel stuck:
• If I don’t respond to his message or offer another time, I worry I’m somehow standing in the way of my son’s relationship with his father.
• But I also feel like his father isn’t taking any real initiative, and if I keep facilitating this, I’m falling back into an old pattern of taking on too much responsibility.

I’d love coaching on this Model and help to see how I can navigate this in a way that’s respectful to my son, but also honors my own boundaries.

I am open to an intentional model but don’t know where to start. Any suggestions?

I’m still wondering how to respond to his message and where to draw the line.

Thanks for your consideration

Answer:

Let’s start here. You’re noticing an old, familiar, undesirable feeling coming up. Big step! Honor this!

Next, what are you available for in this relationship? What are you not available for in this relationship? Write these things down.

Having written these things down, what do you notice? What comes up for you?