Coaching out of coaching pt. 2.2 – disapointment

Follow up on disapointment about ‘not needing’ to submit / answer to feelings and reasons when I am submitting.

I haven’t been using the word ‘should’ for a long time now. Need, in a way, is a replacement word that I hadn’t realised crept in, so I’m practicing using ‘want’. Which is useful because I feel different when I align to wants rather than needs. I over use need, and it can lead to me feeling emotions along the lines of anxious/ overwhelm/ disapointment I’m not doing things I want.

C: I don’t ‘need’ to submit a question
T: I’m thinking of leaving
F: disappointment
A: I don’t submit
R: I stay but not fully in it, I don’t decide either way.

The When I’m feeling this, it leads to other models around not getting value, which isn’t surpirsing as I’m not really ‘in it’, and judgement about what I need to be doing to get value.

Also that my brain can be quite task avoidant around things I need to do, so replacing with want is a game changer.

C: wanting to submitting a question
T: I’m choosing to gain additional support/ insight.
F: empowered, expansive, excited
A: I submit, I dedicate time to models
R: I’m purposley using coaching to help me see things I might not otherwise see. I see my brain’s brainy ways quicker, and I build the ladder thoughts I need to get what I want. Which may somethimes also be what I need but this has a different vibe.

 

Answer:

Not making a decision is a decision. Since you’re here, you’ve decided to stay, for now. You can put that part to rest.  Take a nice, cleansing breath and see how this thought feels.

Now you just get to decide what “fully in” means to you. You’ve already started wiggling your thoughts to see what shifts you can make. This is where you’ll be able to start noticing different ways your brain is working. The wiggling can be uncomfortable and that’s ok. This decision you have made is such a learning opportunity.

If there was just one lesson you are learning form being a part of TFC would it be worth it? I love self help books and it’s easy to read them and then feel badly that I don’t follow everything the book said. But then I decided that if I get one little gem out of the book that I can implement that’s exactly what I was supposed to do. There is even power in being a part of a community of people who are saying “yes” to themselves and their mental health. What would be different if you looked at the value this way? See what comes up and bring back any questions or models you have if you want to.