Communication about sex

I want to be able to talk more openly with my partner about my desires in sex. I have discovered what I like through masturbation but I am aware that when we were first together we both didn’t believe in masturbating but giving pleasure to each other instead. The problem is I have felt I have needed to masturbate in order to explore what works for me. Now I do this but haven’t told him, and in doing this I have discovered lots about myself. I have tried to allude to ways to help me orgasm in sex and even said some things we could do. My partner tries it but it isn’t so good and I haven’t wanted to reveal how I know so much about what works so I have held back on suggesting how it could be better. I think about talking with him and I find I feel so ashamed that I have had these ‘secret’ sexual experiences that I don’t know how to talk about it. I want to be able to have the kind of orgasms I give myself but struggle to communicate because I feel shame and am scared of what he may think/making him feel inadequate. I also worry he will feel betrayed by my exploring. How can I incorporate my sexual discoveries into our relationship?

 

 

Answer:

Why is it hard to talk to your partner about this? Why do you allude instead of just saying what you like? Your reasons you’ve given here are a lot about how your partner will think and feel, but that’s none of your business. Why is it difficult for YOU. Do a thought download on why you can’t communicate what you like.  What beliefs are bringing up shame for you?

Be compassionate with yourself as you work through this shame. Shame keeps things dark and hidden and scary. It tells us lies about what will happen if we’re honest. It wants us to think there is something wrong with us. YOU are whole and worthy and it’s ok to want more pleasure during intimacy.

If your goal is to talk more openly with your partner so you can incorporate your discoveries, put that in your result line. Figure out what you need to do, feel and think to make it happen. Then take action. You can’t know until you try. It’s ok if it’s awkward. It’s ok to learn together. What if this could be really fun?