Conflict aversion

Hi. I am struggling at the moment with being able to express myself, my opinions, my needs and my desires. Sometimes I find it hard to identify them even, but I feel like I’ve got into a cycle of not expressing them which makes them harder to hear. I think I shut myself down before I have the chance to play with them or try them out for size because they are somehow uncomfortable or I think won’t be approved of. I feel very conflict averse at the moment and it’s having quite a negative impact on me and on my relationship. I want to make a conscious effort to step into my own truth and be willing to at least risk some conflict but I feel like I need some support to take the first steps, or think about it differently or something. This is something that hasn’t always felt this way and whilst understanding why might be helpful what I would like is some practical help to break out of it. Please can you help?

 

 

Answer:

 

When we’re trying to change a pattern, it’s important to remember that any amount of change is impactful, and this is why we talk about making a 1º or 1% change in TFC.

What does a 1º shift in the way you express yourself, your opinions, needs and desires look like? How might it show up in your relationship? Also, why do you want to make this change? Think about why it’s important for you to do this – all the reasons – write them down. Notice whether there are some that are the foundation for all of your reasons and how these reasons might fuel some of the ways that you might express yourself differently.

What comes up for you when you think about the 1º change and your reasons for wanting to make this shift? Come back to us for more coaching.