Contacted ex – and feel surprisingly great!

Hi!
Just over a week ago, I sent a message to my ex-boyfriend… We haven’t spoken for 2 years, and the last time was quite fraught. He was in a low mental health place, and didn’t want to get back together, I did. It was difficult knowing what was going on with him and that worry hung over me for a long time.
I’ve stopped myself contacting him so many times, including seeking out therapy, talking to friends etc.
But finally I just realised, I need some new information from him. There was always this narrative of the timing not being right, and I realised that a part of me just needed some updated information. I assumed nothing would have changed as I’d never heard from him, but I just felt this huge pull of needing external info recently, as a part of getting unstuck in this area of my life.
We also met just before the first lockdown, and with all the recent discussion about the 5 year pandemic anniversary, he has been on my mind a lot.
Anyway, I reached a point where I knew I needed to send a message. And I really really loved my why for it: I knew that whatever his response it was a win win for me, because it would give me updated external info about him, that would help me move forwards.
I anticipated that he probably wouldn’t reply, as that was a pattern of him previously – taking ages to reply – and he would be well within his rights not to.
Also, the message I sent wasn’t asking anything specific from him – it was about the pandemic anniversary, saying I was thinking of him and hoped he was well. I included a question but it was intended as more of an invitation, no pressure, testing the water. The kind of thing where if he’d wanted to engage more he could and if he didn’t he could too.
It’s been a week and half, now, and he hasn’t replied, surprise surprise… I’m not sure how I feel, but possibly surprised by how ok I am mostly?! It’s not like in the past where this happened and the wait was tortuous. I felt so relieved to send the message, and so sold on the reasons. And this time I’m not waiting around for him.
But then I’m also amazed by my lack of reaction, because I wonder if it shows me that I have checked out more than I had realised? Equally, I am aware that he could reply still, but who knows really.
I am not sure at what point I accept that he won’t. 2 weeks? a month?
No part of me regrets sending the message, it was much needed – and part of me recently feeling a lot of forgiveness, compassion and peace (including owning my role in things ending in a way I hadn’t before). But the calmness I feel about him not replying almost makes me worry about things if he did…
Anyway, I wonder if my cycle will sort this out in a few weeks when on my period! But needed to express this as it’s a big event, and also wanted to celebrate the self-trust that it took and not asking ‘permission’ from anyone else, and how much progress it shows I’ve made. And if you have any insights on supporting myself with the aftermath of it, including being in this unknown, I’d be very grateful.
Thank you.

 

Answer:

It sounds like you made a choice that you could fully get behind and are having a surprising experience in the aftermath. If you were able to let your feelings come – the good, the bad, the ugly – as they come with acceptance for yourself as you ride this wave, how would that also help you extend acceptance about how, or whether, your ex responds?