Cycle tracking (independently from everything else that happens in life)

Dear coach,

This is going to be a bit of a ramble, my apologies.
I’m still fairly new to the flow collective and still haven’t managed to create any models yet.
I’m all over the place.

1. On April 30 my mum committed suicide
2. Because of the above I’ve decided to move back to Belgium after having spent 10 years abroad, running away
3. Even though, moving to Belgium is what feels right for me, it’s scary because my default is living abroad
4. My amazing partner is moving to Belgium with me. He’s from England.
5. He is super supportive but also a bit worried: we are both English (ESL) teachers. He has been teaching kids, teens and adults at an ‘English academy’. It’s an after school (or after work) academy and schools like that don’t really exist in Belgium. So he doesn’t really know yet what job he can do in Belgium.
6. I don’t know what I want to do professionally but a teaching job might be the easiest option as I have 10 years of experience. I’m not sure I want to continue doing that but I want to file an immigration request for my English boyfriend. If I do that, I as a Belgian I have to be able to proof that I earn enough for the 2 of us (2 x minimum wage)
7. I’m very worried that I’m putting my boyfriend in a difficult position, professionally. I need him and I don’t want him to be in a difficult place, professionally, because of me.
8. I’m not sure what else to say or what specifically I want to ask, I’m always very focussed on taking care of others and I’m not good at taking care of myself.
9. I think I need a bit of a break but I’ve never taken a break before. I’m not sure how to do that.
10. My colleagues know what has happened to my mum and now ignore me. I assume they just don’t know what to say but it’s painful
11. Also I’m always worrying about everything and everyone. I’m very proactive and try to anticipate everything. My boyfriend is the opposite, luckily. He’s very chilled, lives in the moment and is reactive.
12. Cycle tracking is difficult. I find it difficult to look at my cycle separately from everything that happens in my life. Since’s my mum’s suicide, tracking hasn’t been possible. I don’t know how to connect with myself at the moment. I don’t know how to track my cycle at the moment.

I realise this is quite a lot and I understand there’s no perfect solution to anything.
I do feel well supported by my boyfriend, my family and my friends.
I’m speaking to 3 different therapists as well.
I think it has already been helpful to write this down, it’s a first step.

 

Answer:

This is a thought download. It is so wonderful that you experienced the benefit of doing it. Getting things out of your head and on to paper (or the screen) helps give your mind some space. I encourage you to continue trying to write them.

There are multiple things in here that we can coach on. We are going to focus on one thing this time. The reason is that if we approached multiple things, it may feel like we are trying to give you a drink of water from the fire hydrant. So, please, come back if this is not what you want to work on, or if you work on it, and are ready for the next thing.

Since you mentioned cycle tracking in the topic, let’s start there. Why do you feel that you need to cycle track right now?

It’s so good to recognize that you are not connecting to yourself. Consider working on that first. Doing those thought downloads will help you see what is in your mind. A next step to consider is to go through and underline the parts of your thought download that are facts and circle the thoughts. What do you notice? A step beyond that would be to do one model from one of the thoughts you circled.

For now, trust yourself. You have amazing awareness of where you are with yourself. Use it to choose on purpose what you need and will benefit you. So where will you begin? We’re here for coaching on everything you’ve mentioned – please use AAC as much as you want or need to!