Dealing with grief and lack fo self trust part 2

Hi there, thank you for your kind words. It meant so much. This Ask a Coach resource is so wonderful. I have taken such positivity and hope from so many of the responses here so thank you…

I thought about what you said in relation to love and compassion and combined with with maisie’s podcast on emotions. And I pictured love and compassion coming round to my house like the most beautiful and caring of friends. They took me by the arm on either side for when sadness came knocking at my door.

I can imagine sadness coming in through the front door with love and compassion flanking me side by side. And they say soothing things to me and tell me it’s OK.

However, when it comes to it, in real life I am not comfortable with sadness coming in at all. I feel scared that this tsunami of grief with wash over me and I will be sad forever.
Logically I know i am probably prolonging the sadness by resisting it rather than going with it and then letting the tide pull back in naturally. My heart feels so heavy and need that to go now… I need my brain back (which is normally below bloody average to other people’s but it is shot to pieces at the moment). I need all this to be better so I can function properly.

Urgh… Emotions I find so hard to feel safe with. I hate being a burden to people. My role is to be there for people, not be the person where I am the drain on others.

This is all so unnatural to me.

I was thinking about an intentional model

C. I feel sad about my nephew dying
T
F safe
A give myself space to get the things in my life done and feel sad
R. feel better

Can you think of a good thought I need to think for this model?

Thanks so much ❤️

 

 

Answer:

It’s very common to be afraid of getting stuck in a deep tsunami of grief and emotions. Remember that even a tsunami will come and eventually go out and we survive and rebuild. It’s ok if you don’t want to welcome sadness yet.

What do you think about this model?

C: my nephew died

T: What could you think about you to create the feeling of safe?

F: safe

A: allow sadness, find support, stop telling myself I’m grieving wrong, stop telling myself I’m a burden to others, take my turn as someone who receives care, what else?

R: What would your result be?

The only way to get comfortable with the uncomfortable parts of grief is to experience it. It’s going to be awkward at first just like anything new we learn. You’re right where you are supposed to be.