Dealing with loneliness

I moved abroad with my husband over two years ago and I have built very little network in my new home. Being away from my friends and loved ones is not new for me; I’ve spend most of my adult life in different countries and I’m used to getting out and connecting. But this time the loneliness is crushing and I seem incapable of taking action. I lack confidence, I feel out of body and I feel socially awkward. I feel resentment towards my husband for further isolating us, as he does not like people in the house, or being at other peoples, and will frequently get a migraine after visitors/visits or if he is out of routine. He will frequently criticise the friends I have as too negative.
Circumstance: We have lived in our new home for 2.5 years and I have no significant connections
Thoughts: Why am I isolating myself?
Feelings: Awkward. Unconfident. Inept. Weepy
Actions: Finding no boundaries with work; online all the time (work related); taking on too many commitments that keep me from other people. Being snappy and stroppy with my family.
R: I’m isolated

 

 

Answer:

Whenever you have a question in the thought line, answer it. Why are you isolating yourself? Your brain wants to blame your husband because that’s easy, you have all the evidence he’s made it harder to build a network where you live. The things he says, his preferences and his headaches are your circumstances. They are facts in your life. You get to decide what you want to think about them. You get to create the results you want from within you. Take ownership of your part in this. How have you benfitted from not building a network in this place? There’s always good reasons we do anything.  No judgment necessary.

I would also question the thought: I have no significant connections. Is that true? Identify three people you think you could connect with more and then pick one. What is the next step you could take to nurture this connection? Remember it’s not what you do with the other person, it’s what you think about them that is your relationship. Changing the way you think could be one of your steps. You are worthy and whole just as you are. If you feel like your out of character crushing loneliness is something a doctor could help you with, it’s never a bad thing to get checked out.