Dealing with shame

Hi,
I am a singer and songwriter and sometimes I keep my name on collaboration songs, sometimes not. Not long ago there was talk of a release and I had to make the decision with my management whether I should stay on the song or not. I was very much on the fence, but in the end decided to stay on. My reasons were: the song is alright- kind of a cool vibe, in the right landscape I want to be in, the guy I’m releasing it with has done a cool collaboration before this song, and it’s on a pretty cool label. I was also hoping/ thinking that I’d benefit from his fan base by getting my name/ face out there. I was asked to record a video of myself singing along to the song to send him so he could make a video promo for it, and received a rough posting plan for the release. I expected there to be a collab post on release day, but when I hadn’t heard anything by 2 pm I posted the video of myself and the cover. He didn’t post about the song till a few days after the release which I found odd. After speaking to my management half a week after the release, and also seeing the song perform quite badly, we said that maybe I shouldn’t have stayed on. Now I find myself feeling very ashamed and embarrassed about the whole thing- especially the video I posted of myself singing along to the song… I have thoughts like it’s made me look cheap, it’s hurt my career, others think less of me, I’m embarrassing myself, I’m selling myself short, I shouldn’t be associated with this guy, he has let me down, fooled me, I thought I’d get more positive attention and more out of it, and now I just feel like I’ve made the wrong decision and it’s making me feel anxious. I don’t wanna feel this way, and it’s kept me up for a few nights. I sometimes find that the line between integrity and doing something you’re proud of, while knowing what the right decision is, being associated with the right people, the right music is a very fine one.. I’ll start there I think.

 

 

Answer:

 

This is such a great opportunity to get to know yourself and how you think and feel about your decision making.

Your brain is offering you a story about the decision that you made, that’s all that’s happening. I wonder what keeping these stories on a loop is doing for you? What is your brain trying to get out of focusing on such painful thoughts? Can you take a compassionate and investigative look into this without judging or shaming yourself?

Making mistakes is a part of life. We all wobble, and if you’re going to put yourself out there in a vulnerable way, you’re probably going to fall flat a time or two…or ten. And it’s going to hurt, but you can feel those feelings – they are just vibrations in your body. What if you didn’t make the wrong decision, but a decision that just didn’t have the outcome you’d hoped for? What does your brain have to say about that idea? Notice how you feel if you reframe this just a little bit and come back for more coaching on what comes up for you.