Deciding to have good relationships

Hi
I’m intrigued with the idea that you can decide to have good relationships. I understand that the quality of our relationships depend on the thoughts we have about them, and yet I’m struggling with the next part.
I want to change the relationship I have with my mum but I need help. I want to feel closer to her but I can’t change how she is and I don’t feel like I can convince myself we have the kind of closeness I want just through thinking. Why do I start?
Thanks

Answer:

Thank you for this question. We often spend a lot of time wishing the people we care about were different. The first step to making some shifts is to allow them to be exactly who they are. You can absolutely grieve what you wish your relationship with your mum was. But you choose to stop spending energy resisting reality.

It’s more of a releasing energy than a convincing one.

How could you allow yourself to grieve this relationship? How can you allow yourself to fully human in this moment? How can you allow her to be human?