Decision making with moving

Hello lovely coaches!

I’ve been procrastinating writing to you, as I have found it very difficult to put my thoughts and feelings into an actual question. I guess my question is how to find some more clarity about the thought of moving countries.

I am Australian, and moved to Germany ten years ago to further my music studies, as there are many more opportunities for study and work as a musician here than there are in Australia. My intent wasn’t to stay longer than a couple of years, but as the story typically goes, I met someone here and eventually got married and decided to stay.

At the start of the pandemic we divorced, and I was surprised to still feel very much at home here. The support from my exes family and amazing support of my friends and colleagues in Germany and Europe definitely helped! My journey since then has involved working with a therapist which has greatly helped my relationship with my mum and understanding the underlying reasons for various choices I’ve made in the past.

For the past year or so I’ve seriously been questioning if music is really what I want to invest my full energy into, or if I’d like to go into something more therapy directed (this appeals to me a lot!), however the big question that has taken over my mind is whether or not I’d like to move back to Australia.

I recently went back to visit (after being away for 2.5 years) as my dad had undergone cancer treatment. After spending time with family I realize how much I’ve missed them and how far I really am from them.

The feeling of being back in Germany is also good, as I enjoy my work and love my friends here, however the question of whether or not I want to move back seems to always be on my mind now. There are cons and pros to both options, and no right or wrong decision to be made (I keep reminding myself of this, as I know I can be a bit of a perfectionist which can lead to not taking any action for “fear of failing”…something the Flow Collective has helped a lot with!)

If you have any tips or advice about how I can find more clarity to these thoughts I’d be really grateful!

Answer:

It is so good to notice that there is no wrong choice. You have people that you care about in both places. So here are a couple of things to consider.

First, consider how you’d feel with each choice.
1. How do you feel when you think about deciding to move back to Australia? You may have more than one feeling, but start by exploring the dominant one.
2. Why would you feel that way?

Now ask yourself the same two questions with staying in Germany.

Things to note are if the reasons for your feelings are about your own thoughts and needs, or are they about somebody else’s. An example of a decision being for somebody else is if you would feel good because you’ll prevent somebody from being upset.  Compare that to your choice would feel good because it is what you feel is best for you.

Once you see both models, which do you prefer?

The other consideration is to make a decision and have your own back. What this means is that make your decision, and decide to stop questioning that decision. This is the reason to explore your feelings and reasons. Like your reasons, and trust yourself to make the best decision for yourself now. Know that you will be able to take care of yourself no matter what happens.

As you explore your models, feel free to come back with further questions.