Decision Reflections

Now I’ve booked the trip abroad I’ve been really struggling to book I feel so much lighter. I feel like a brain tab has been closed. I really felt like I was in the eye of the storm of indecision at the end. I had done everything I thought would get me to make a decision- coaching; journaling; taking up space in the community; seeking help from others, researching and writing all options down, then giving myself space to settle on a decision. But still I could make the final decision and I don’t know why. Lack of self trust, lack of permission from myself maybe. Maybe because I had worked myself up so much and if three steps back I have of reassessed I might have been able to figure it out, to zoom out. I let myself get caught up in this narrative that I couldn’t do it or it felt impossible. And I kept saying, “I can’t decide” – out loud as well. Maybe if I’d have checked and challenged my language more and come up with counter thoughts. But having said that, I find it difficult to find them.
Maybe I expected it to be easy or expected myself not to stumble at any stage and when challenging thoughts and feelings appeared I instantly took that as meaning I’m not capable.
I was relying on a feeling to lead me to a decision but maybe that was enough.
Once I’d booked the trip I got really upset, maybe out of relief more than anything. But I also had this thought creep in, “ I don’t want to be seen as someone who finds decisions hard.” And I really don’t. I’ve not always been the strongest decision maker or had full faith but I believe there was a time when I could make decisions without so much support or reliance on people. I just don’t remembered how I did it.
I got coached about my struggle booking this trip. One thing that came up was, “if no choice was the wrong choice what stops me from picking one”. To answer that: I’m afraid my preference would be the wrong outcome. I’d regret not picking one of the other choices. Or my brain will come up with a good point in favour of another choice and I’d then wished I’d picked that one.
I also got some interesting questions to think about: Why this decision? What am I thinking? Where the growth in this decision and this discomfort? What is the discomfort here to teach me?

 

 

Answer:

 

First and foremost, take a few deep breaths. Check in with yourself. Where are you in your body and brain with these ideas? How are you feeling now that this is out of your brain and in writing?

Tell us more about this notion that you don’t want to be seen as someone who finds decisions hard. Who’s judgment are you most concerned about? Why? How do you want to be seen when it comes to making decisions? Why?