Defensiveness in communication with boss

Today I had a performance review at work, I was feeling defensive right from the start. My boss wanted to discuss my lack of communication prior to me calling in sick from a burn out.

I’ve put this into a model, but I cannot really find a feeling that matches my thought, maybe because I don’t connect with the though as much. This thought is still leaving me feeling defensive as I am also feeling misunderstood and not taken seriously by some mental health comments made by him. Some of his words I also say to myself. Like: “don’t make everything so heavy”. I am finding some truth to his words, but they also feel very unkind. I’d like to not let those thoughts roam around my head and feel agitation hearing him say this to me.

I am finding it difficult getting more perspective on this scenario and would love some help regarding the though and feeling line in my intentional model. What I’d want to feel is open, safe and not defensive.

UM
C: My boss said some words
T: He is judging me for handling this a certain way
F: Defensive
A: Closed off, pulling up an internal wall
R: Me not setting the boundaries I wish to set regarding our work communication

IM
C: My boss said some words
T: He wanted to offer me help prior to all this
F:
A: Having an open communication, open posture, listening to what he is trying to say
R: Clear communication regarding my needs and boundaries

Answer:

Before I provide feedback in your intentional model, I’d like to take a look at your UM. I think the result that you create when you think “He is judging me for handling this a certain way,” is that you end up judging yourself for how you handled/are handling it. What do you think?

As for your IM, let’s focus on feeling safe. What does it mean to you that he wanted to offer you help prior to all this? Does your answer create a feeling of safety? If not, take a look at your R line in the IM. If that’s what you want, and our Ts are directly connected to our Rs, what T would you need to think to feel safe and create this R? When you respond, title your submission, “Defensiveness in communication part 2”.