Do I stay or Do I go….?

On the subject of todays “taking massive action”, I am trying to wrap my head around the question of whether to leave my husband or not.
He hasn’t done any thing wrong as such but we have been together for 10 years, married for 7yrs and have a 5 yr old little boy. We were living in Switzerland for the past 8 yrs and myself and our son have recently moved back to the UK for him to start school here.
My husband owns a business in Switzerland and is very adamant that he would never want to live back in the UK again (after doing so for 5 hrs whilst studying). He is of course Swiss. So during the past 18m we have been living in a long distance relationship, which has its perks but is starting to feel a bit empty to me.
There is no question over him moving here and I def don’t want to live back in Switzerland ever again so my coaching I am looking for is on whether it is the right thing to be considering a separation (I have mainly concerns around this such as how it will effect our neurodivergent child, money and security.
However I am also feeling like I want a normal relationship, where I feel supported in the everyday stuff and don’t have to always jump on a plane to “be a family”.
I am worried about leaving the marriage as I rely on him financially and esp at the moment due to our child going through ASD assessments etc…

So here is the model I am using right now and would like help with please:

C – unhappy within relationship
T – is this enough reason to end the relationship
F – fear, shame, uncertainty
A – I pull away and don’t try, I ruminate on what would happen if I left
R – the unhappiness with the situation continues

I really need some help finding clarity around what is holding me back and if it is only fear of the unknown, how to work my thoughts around that.

TIA

 

 

Answer:

If I’m understanding correctly, you are the one who decided to move away from your husband. And now your problem is that you don’t live together as a family. You knew he would rather be in Switzerland and you left anyway. What were your reasons for doing that? As you make your list, go one step deeper and question each one. For example: I moved so my son could go to school. Why? What do you get to think about you as a parent and your son’s future if you have him in school in the UK versus Switzerland? What do you get to feel? How is it serving you to live apart from your partner?

In your model, your circumstance needs to be factual. Can you think of a specific situation recently where you felt unhappy? Try doing a model on that. When your thought is a question, answer it. Is this enough to end this relationship? Models are just for us to get clarity, they don’t mean you have to take action yet, just try on some honest thoughts.

Life is 50/50. You living in Switzerland as a family was 50/50, you living apart is also 50/50 and whatever you decide to do next will also have good and bad parts to it. Your brain wants to tell you that it would be easier if you were separated, but you will simply have a different set of challenges. As an adult you just get to choose. If you needed to decide today, what do you want to do?