Do I Stay or Do I Go Part 2

I must say the coaching which I received on this subject felt rather triggering to me, as it felt like I was being blamed for having made the decision to put myself first for once as wrong.
I guess you need to know more of the back story to understand why I moved myself and child back to the UK knowing that my husband didn’t want to come along.
As I said we have lived in Switzerland for 8 years after only agreeing initially to be out there for 2 years whilst he completed his studies. I had been very clear with my husband that I did not wish to stay in Switzerland forever and that I would like to return to the Uk at some point. The main reason for returning when our child was ready to start school is that here in the UK, I have a career which I can not restart in Switzerland due to various reasons but the main one being that the children there only go to school between 8.45-12pm and then come home for lunch (which the mother is expected to stay home to cook) until 2pm, before 2x days a week returning for the afternoon until 4pm.
I had given up my career to live in Switzerland with my husband and take care of our child and now wished to take back some of my own wishes again.

Another reason for moving home was that here I have family, cheaper & more available childcare and friends who can help me out. My husband was very “traditional” in his views of childcare being a woman’s job and therefore he didn’t feel the need to help out looking after our son when he wasn’t at work… leaving me to do 90% of the heavy lifting.

I guess I feel that I would like a more supportive partner, who supports the fact that I want to work as well as be a mother and is happy to step up when needed.

I felt that the circumstance of being unhappy within my marriage was factual.
Having thought about this further, I think that my main issue is a fear of change and guilt around how this will effect our son.

I still care deeply for my husband but I am just not sure that there is a future for a relationship where I don’t feel heard, seen or supported in my needs?

 

 

Answer:

You have so many reasons for your choice to move, and if you like them you keep them and feel confident in your decision. Take what you’ve learned through this process and apply it to deciding what to do about your marriage.

What do you know about you that you can bring to this decision? What do you believe about your ability to trust yourself? What do you believe about your ability to listen to, see and support your own needs every step of the way? You have everything you need to navigate this, even if it’s messy and imperfect.

Change is always going to be scary, our brain doesn’t like it. It sounds like staying where you are is not very comfortable either, so you just get to decide which “hard” you want to deal with. As parents it’s normal to worry about how our actions affect our children, but that’s not something we can entirely control. It’s also true that staying stuck in indecision is affecting how you show up as a parent. What is the next step you want to take in your relationship? If every option is on the table, go ahead and keep your circumstance, and decide what you want to create.

C: Unhappy in my marriage

T:

F:

A:

R: What is your next step you want to accomplish?