Doing something I don’t want to do

Hello coaches,

I could do with some coaching on a situation I’ve been thinking about a lot over recent months. The inspiration to get coached on it was from listening to Maisie’s podcast ‘episode 186 – Embracing your instincts’. I feel like I am fighting with my instincts with lots of thoughts and I don’t really know my truth.

Thought download: I moved to a new village a couple of years ago. I volunteered to attend a community meeting which organises a village Gala day every year, on behalf of my sons toddler group. At this meeting I ended up becoming the secretary for the Gala, rather than a representative for the toddler group which is why I had attended. I did not want to be secretary – I felt pressured into taking it on (this was well before finding TFC). However, I did my duty and attended the meetings, wrote up the minutes and helped out at the previous gala. Now the gala for this year is approaching following and on from it will be the question of whether I want to continue on with being the secretary. I had been doing it as a feeling of obligation, and I guess in a way to people please. I told myself it was good for me as it was broadening my skills and meeting people etc – which is true. But on the other hand before every meeting I become very nervous and don’t really contribute much other than writing what is being said. I still don’t feel like I have met anyone as part of the community or made any friends from doing it.

The gala day is approaching and I have (from feeling under pressure) to help out with things I am not comfortable with. This is where I get stuck; I don’t feel comfortable doing it, even though I am capable of doing it. Is this my true ‘no’ talking, or is it my brain making a bigger deal of it than it is. If I don’t do it, it’s one less person to help and the responsibility falls onto others to take over.

Below model: I have quite a lot of thoughts to the circumstance but picked this one

C: I have volunteered to help on gala day

T: I am going to be in an uncomfortable situation for a long time

F: Anxious

S: Tummy churning, heart racing, feel like something is stuck in my throat

A: I panic, ruminate about feeling uncomfortable and not enjoying it, imagining dealing with situations I wont cope with, imagine I will feel stupid and lonely.

R: I don’t look forward to the event, I wish I didn’t have to help, I try find ways to lie myself out of attending, become annoyed and get stressed

Thank you.

 

 

Answer:

The best thing about being an adult is we get to choose what we want! You don’t need a compelling reason, you don’t have to have things all figured out, you just get to decide. How could you possibly be using thought work to avoid making a decision here?

Why does your brain want to do that?

Here’s the only question that you need to answer right now: Do you want to be the gala secretary?

If it’s 50/50 either way, what sounds more fun? How can you support yourself in your decision?

Once you have your answer, what is the next step you need to take to move forward? Action brings clarity. You already have everything you need to make this decision.  We’re here for you! Bring back any questions or models for more coaching.