For my spring goals I set myself the goal of finishing my novel and get the ball rolling on moving house. Both of these things I have achieved – my agent is sending my book out on submission to publishers tomorrow and we have had an offer accepted on my ‘dream’ house. I feel proud and incredibly happy… and also a little desperate and anxious. I have celebrated my wins, But now keep making deals with the universe to ensure that the house doesn’t fall through – i.e. if I meditate everyday for 10 mins then nothing bad will happen, if I keep calm and don’t shout at my kids then the keys will be handed to us etc. It all seems to be more focused on getting into the house, which I absolutely love, as opposed to my novel finding a publisher at this stage. I have been on submission to publishers before and my previous book didn’t find a home. I realise that this book may end up not finding a home also and I have done a lot of self coaching on this and feel ready for that eventuality. The success of the book will not stop me from writing – it’s what I love and I am proud of all I have achieved regardless. But I feel a little more ‘clutchy’ in my chest in regard to the house and unable to settle. It took us a long time to find it – and when we did we secured it within a day. I suppose I need to work on accepting happiness whilst remaining realistic. The house could fall through and I know I will handle it. I don’t want to keep giving myself conditions, however (making pacts with the universe, trying to stay positive and think positive – it feels a little too much like OCD). It’s unrealistic to impose ‘conditions’ on myself and then I end up failing (and feeling like a failure). I think part of the issue is that I feel I don’t ‘deserve’ the house. My husband is the main breadwinner – and even though I feel incredibly proud of raising our two girls whilst working part-time as a teacher and writing novels, I have not been the one to save money for this house. The money I earn goes on the girls and food. We have had to borrow from our in-laws to pay for this house and I keep telling myself that I will ‘deserve’ it if I am the one to pay them back.
At the crux of it, I think I am struggling to settle into this feeling of happiness and excitement for the next stages. For a long time I have been reaching for these goals and felt ready for them, and absolute trust in myself that I would get there. Now I feel a bit overwhelmed and anxious.
It has really helped just writing this down. Thank you
Answer:
Isn’t it magical how just writing out our thoughts can be so wonderful to release what’s been bouncing around in our heads? Congratulations on the book and the house! It’s completely realistic to believe both dreams are going to come true. What’s the downside to letting yourself go there?
What you’re feeling is sometimes called success intolerance. It’s got a name, that means you’re not alone in feeling this way. What happens is we make goals and work towards them and then right as we’re reaching them our brains come up with reasons to feel overwhelmed, anxious and undeserving of what we have. It also starts worrying that it all could go away.
The key to feeling happy “there” is to feel happy “here.” This is a great opportunity to practice creating the feelings you want. Try filling out an intentional model while focusing on the present. We don’t know what will happen, and that’s ok.
C: my agent is sending out my book and we are under contract on a house
T: What do you want to think about this moment?
F: how do you want to feel?
A: how would you show up in your life if you let yourself feel this way? What would you do, what would you stop doing? really fill this section out.
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