Emotions surrounding Partner’s Behaviour

I am struggling to create an unintentional model surround a topic relating to my husband. He’s away for a mixture of work and pleasure, and I’m feeling resentful about the length of time he’s away, and leaving me with our 2 young children. But I want to find a way to process it and move past it. So my unintentional model is:
C – My husband has gone away for 7 days
T – This is selfish of him
F – I’m pissed off and resentful
A – I’m narky when we speak on the phone
– I’m not being supportive of his work whilst he’s away
– I’m worrying about how I’ll act when he returns
R – (not sure about this part) I’m feeling pissy?!

I would like to be able to contemplate some intentional model ideas, to see how I feel about them. Could you help tweak, give ideas for the below?

C – My husband has gone away for 7 days
T – he will benefit from this time away
F – loving
A – (I don’t know, all I can think of is “I hold my anger in” and I know that’s not healthy)
– I don’t get angry
– I listen to him talking about his time away
R – we are happier, calmer, more in synch

 

Answer:

The result in your first model is that you are not the person you want to be. Plus, you are giving all the power over your emotions to your husband. This is a cycle that is easy to get stuck in. The first thing that would help you is to really get neutral about your circumstance. It’s still feeling very negative to you that he’s in one place and you and the children are in another. You don’t have to like it or not care, but see if you can separate it into pure facts that you could think anything about. If you skip this step, there won’t be an intentional thought that sticks.

Notice how you’ve used the words “gone away” in your model. That has some emotion tied to it. Get very factual. for example: husband is in x town on x dates. Then make your thought about you. How do you want to feel? What do you want to think about your ability to handle this week apart? Who do you want to be?

See what comes up and bring back any questions or models.