Empathy pt. 2

I’ve been thinking about your feedback and it’s been really interesting to sit with.

I do have a tendency to find a way to blame myself for most things that go wrong -in this case jumping to thinking I’m a terrible person because I don’t know what to say etc. I would really like to find a way to work on this as I know it isn’t helpful and my partner can point out exactly when I’m doing it (this I put is not always welcome).

The other thing that came up for me was that I know I struggle with big emotions. Most commonly I experience this whilst arguing, the result is me ending up in a blank freeze state where I struggle/can’t talk/think properly. I hadn’t considered how similar the feeling was or that this was a place I could end up in when not arguing.

I think practicing being comfortable in situations of heightened emotion would be useful and is something to explore further.

Answer:

What a connection to make! Isn’t it interesting that as we start to examine the things that make us squirmy what we begin to realize? Big emotions can feel very overwhelming and send people careening down the autonomic ladder, but they don’t have to. Emotions won’t kill you, though your brain (and a lot of other human brains) interprets that overwhelm as a sign of danger. Knowing that, we can take a step back and begin to get familiar with how you respond to emotions that seem big to you by first identifying what those emotions are.

You mentioned your partner’s grief or sadness in your last post, and here you mention arguing. What emotion comes up for you when arguing? What other emotions do you categorize as big? What thoughts do you have about these feelings (that’s your C). Start here and when you’re ready for more coaching, come on back to us with part 3. In the mean time, have a listen to Maisie’s recent podcast episode on Emotions (episode 94) and the coaching call that went along with it.