Envy And Doubt Pt.4

If I’m honest, right now (I’m in my autumn), I can’t even say if I am not trusting myself or if it’s an excuse my brain is telling me to talk me out of doing something. The last time we coached on this topic was about the education content. I solved that, and now I am putting myself out there and telling people I have this particular program.
It feels VERY scary to do that, and I’m telling myself that I don’t trust myself enough to do that (but I’m still doing it). Plus, I have BPD, and a vast topic is being alone. When I feel uncertain about the next step, my brain will likely tell me that I don’t have enough support and that I’m spending too much time alone to have the strength to do that. It’s like the most prominent argument I have, to NOT do something that feels important to me.
But when I look back, I see I’ve solved all the other topics I was worrying about quite quickly. So I am honestly asking myself: do I REALLY have low self-trust, or is it just an excuse? And by that, allowing perfectionism and frantic action to take place. Right now, it seems I DO have self-trust; I just don’t know yet. And when I get the results I want, I immediately focus on the following topic ahead of me, which I’m fearful about how to tackle. Maybe I should tell myself everything I’ve achieved to get an awareness of what I am capable of (which is a lot!!)

 

Answer:

Knowing that you’re in your autumn, this may be a time to allow yourself to wonder about this or put it up on the shelf for a few days if the hormone crash is a heavy hitter for you (it sure is for me and many other menstruating humans!). That being said, I do see that you’re flipping your coin over and allowing what you have accomplished to get some equal air time, and that is fantastic!
I wonder if saying that you have low self-trust is less of an excuse and more the thing that your brain has served you regularly and often to protect you from something, and that considering the idea that there is proof that you can trust yourself is so different from what you’ve done in the past that your brain feels like it’s short circuiting? I think it’s a wonderful idea to tell yourself everything you’ve achieved and reflect on how these accomplishments relate to and build self-trust. Great idea. Give it a go and come on back for more coaching on what comes up next.