Envy on friend

Dear coaches,
I am on vacation with a very good female friend of mine. I notice how often envy comes up – I am jealous of her body that she seems to maintain with no real effort (very good genetics, i know she is not actively working hard on maintaining it) – both in the way it looks but also all her strength (she is a climber but never trains and goes only 2-3 times per week) and her mobility (natural, she is hypermobile). Often, I simply admire her and look at her in awe. But sometimes I am super pissed how she can be so lean, muscular, strong and flexible with so little effort, zero training structure and unconscious eating habits, while I am putting lots of effort in these areas to have a fit and strong body (not only for looks of course, but still). And in the direct comparison she “wins” all these categories.
Wow – typing all these thoughts out feels freeing and scary at the same time. I would like to throw them out of my brain!
I guess it is natural to care, as I have tied part of my identity to my physical appearance and performance, and that I am a fit and sportive person (and people/men perceive me this way). And then there is this women I really like and spend a lot of time with, having a sixpack and getting plenty of attentiosn, but pretending to not actually doing anything for it. I think that it is unfair – and I know this is not a helpful thought.
And especially I do not want to have bad feelings towards her for this, because she actually was born this way. And I know it happens a lot already that other women are not nice because of her natural beauty. I do not want to be one of them, I want to support and love her. I want to unlearn that shitty partriarchy comparison stuff bit by bit. Step one is acknowledgement? And step two is embracing my own feelings with compassion!
Any other suggestions welcome 🙁

 

 

Answer:

 

You are absolutely right, step one is acknowledgment (you can’t fix something you won’t look at in the first place), and step two is embracing your feelings with compassion. What does that mean to you?