Ex thoughts over xmas

Hi,
Over the xmas period, I thought about my ex a lot. It has become a loud soundtrack in my head! And it’s still here since coming home.
I am single, and getting over him has been a longgg process over several years… I last had a bad patch of missing him in summer which got better after some therapy sessions. At that point there was a lot of un-dealt with feelings around anger, worrying about his mental health (after the way he left things). And the last round of therapy helped me to let go of those worries, anger and feelings of responsibility over him.
So this time there was a new lightness to the experience of missing him. More of a wanting, than worry. Which I think is progress!
But when this happens, I feel like I’ve gone backwards. We met 5 years ago this month and I am frustrated that he’s still ‘haunting’ me – because that’s how it feels sometimes.
I would like a relationship soon but am choosing to prioritise work goals, especially at the start of this year while I lay the foundations of my freelancing for the new year. So I’m not enjoying apps atm – which often distract me from thinking about him. But in between dating people, he always seems to re-surface.
Do you have any tips on navigating this when I’m not actively dating other people?
Thanks so much

 

Answer:

 

Tell us more about the feelings of frustration that accompany the real estate he takes up in your mind. Why do you feel that way? What do you think it means about you that you still have thoughts about him in this way?

I wonder if you can use this time to explore your mind’s relationship to him and decide what you are and are not available for when he waves the flag in your brain.