Exhausted by ttc

Hi coaches,
I’ve been TTC for 2,5 years and so far haven’t experienced a pregnancy. I’ve done a lot of work to balance my hormones and be healthy, so has my partner. I am proud of the work we have done and also feel exhausted and hopeless by all the work. There is now a continuous sadness in me. More and more people around me get pregnant or have babies and I find it harder and harder to cope with their news. I started to brace myself for pregnancy news anytime I talk to a friend or family member. Recently my sister got pregnant and I notice I feel a lot of resentment towards her. My sister in law also started TTC this cycle and last week her husband mentioned that she might be pregnant already because she has this or that symptom. I immediately felt sadness and anger when he said that. I don’t know how to respond in a healthy way that respects both them and me when she does get pregnant.
I also go to a book club where all women have 1-4 children except me and one other woman. Whereass this didn’t bother me a year ago, it started to be hard for me to be there. I am dreading each cycle and in many ways don’t feel the power to continue. But I know that stopping the process is not going to take away my desire and longing.
I feel that my current approach is unsustainable, but I honestly don’t know what I can do differently.
I’d appreciate any advice! Thanks

 

 

Answer:

That all sounds really hard. We’re all here to support you in this season of being exhausted and hopeless. You’re also experiencing sadness, resentment, anger and dread. If you could step outside of yourself for a moment and give yourself the loving compassion you deserve, what would you say to yourself? Why does what you’re experiencing make total sense? Why do you think you ought to be feeling any other way? Why do you think you should be able to respond in a healthy respectful way to possible pregnancy announcements?

This is the part that might just be really hard. Your brain is hyper focussed on pregnancy and babies and children. Your cycle every month feels like a failure. How else would you describe this part? Here’s your full permission to let it all out.  Be gentle and allow it to be what it is, as long as it needs to be.

Notice that your brain will try to tell you it will always be like this. It won’t. That’s a lie. Whether you get pregnant and have a baby, you grow your family in another way, or you end up loving the children around you…it won’t always feel like this. What do you think could give you a glimmer of hope to keep living your life one day at a time?