Exploring not enough ness

Asking myself the question where doen the notenoughness come from?
1. I think I have always thought that I would not be creative and strong enough to go into a creative field of study. I have chosen chemistry since I was good at it and is was fun. But I was not as enthusiastic or inspired by it as I saw others be. This has made me feel like an imposter. Combined with how I am a more socially sensitive person than average. I feel like I have been playing a part during my studies. After I graduated I thought it would be easier to find a job. Also I thought it would be settling to get ‘just a job in a lab’.

2. I think that I have the idee that I need to get a ‘reel job’ from my study. I have grown up with a mom who studied art and has always struggled with making money. Where my dad had a job in finance, going to the office, wearing a suit and making money.

3. I also think that I deserve to do something that I’m inspired to do. And that if I’m not inspired that I can’t do it. That I can’t fake it until you make it. And that that is needed to get a job.

 

Answer:

Great insights you’ve found here. Keep exploring. Be compassionate and loving to yourself. It might be interesting to ask yourself what happened. You said you chose chemistry because you were good at it and it was fun.  What did you like about it? What did that feel like for you?

Then you saw other people being more enthusiastic and inspired. What did that look like? What story were you telling about them and what you observed?

Then what? Where did the shift happen from being good at chemistry to being an imposter?

You made choices based on reasons that worked for you at the time. You can always reevaluate. You know you best.  See what you find as you look at this some more and bring back any questions of models.