Expressing anger

Hi coaches, my partner and I ended our relationship last year and I now finally have time to process the separation. There is a lot of anger coming up as I feel that she wasn’t there for me in the way that I would have needed her to when I had a big mental breakdown a few months before our separation and that she was completely stuck in her own hurt feelings with very little understanding and empathy for what I was going through. I am aware of my own contributions to my mental breakdown and feel like I am taking responsibility for those. There is still a lot of anger because I feel like she wanted me to take care of her when I absolutely had nothing left to give and was barely able to function myself and that she didn’t really make a proper effort to understand what I was going through at the time, how depression works and what it means for a relationship. I completely understand that it was very hard for her to be with me and we had been struggling for a long time before we decided to end our relationship and I think that at this point it wouldn’t be helpful for me to express my lingering anger towards her as conversations with her in the past have shown me that she doesn’t get where I am standing and I have accepted that. I don’t know where to go with my anger now, I do feel that it needs expressing and I have tried writing, saying it out loud, punching a pillow, climbing an oak and screaming into the wind and they have all helped a little bit, but I don’t feel like the chapter is closed for me yet. Would you have any advice on this? Thank you.

 

Answer:

Emotions are like waves in an ocean. Just because one crests and crashes doesn’t mean there isn’t another one coming. It sounds like this is a time of healing and grieving – anger is an integral part of the grieving process. How can you be gentle with yourself as your big emotions continue to roll? What do you think they’re trying to tell you? Is there anything that anger trying to do for you or protect you from? Come back for more coaching when you’re ready.