Falling apart

In the podcast episode about “supporting yourself through change”, Maisie’s first suggestion was to fall apart.
Although I can see the benefit of this I am having a lot of trouble moving forward. I have done an unintentional and an intentional model about this, plus a thought download. What has revealed itself is my fear. I am incredibly afraid to let go and just fall apart. In my mind falling apart looks like a breakdown. I will not be able to parent or work if I allow myself to fall into this state.
I am associating falling apart with the depression that has been pulling at me for the past couple of years. It is a big black hole that I sometimes have to fight tooth and nail not to fall into. I can’t imagine that the advise would be to let go and fall into that pit of depression!?
I want to face this with openness and curiosity. But that feels like more of a controlled, cautious shuffle towards falling apart (and I’ve been slowly attempting this over the past year or so) rather than just allowing myself to fall apart.
Do people manage to go to work when they fall apart? Do they function? How do they continue in their relationships?
I feel I may have misunderstood what “falling apart” means, and I’m very sure that my perceptions say a lot about my mental state at the moment!
How can I attempt this? How can I begin?
Thank you

 

 

Answer:

Often what’s much more scary than falling apart is being afraid to fall apart. That resistance to emotion is a much more uncomfortable experience than just allowing the uncomfortable emotion or changing the story you tell about yourself. The thing about being afraid to fall apart is it can last forever and keep you stuck. It’s like you’re pulling on a rope in a tug of war and you’re so afraid to let go because you don’t know what will happen. It’s exhausting. When you let go of the rope…what do you think you will find? Stepping into allowing yourself to fall apart will move you forward and generally is a lot less intense and a lot shorter than we think. What could you do if you dropped the rope?

If falling apart is not resonating with you, you don’t have to use it. How would you prefer to describe letting go of the past version of you so you can allow yourself to change?

If you are dealing with depression please consult your doctor or mental health professional. You don’t have to manage that on your own. We are here to support you as well, please bring your questions or models back for more coaching as much as you need.