Family

Hi,
Just heard my brother in law, wife and 3 kids who live abroad are coming back for Christmas – and I’m feeling really funny about it. They always presume that we want to spend Christmas day with them and the wife’s family too – but I find big occasions really overwhelming and exhausting. I’d much prefer a smaller Christmas with my partner and kids, or seeing my family. There’s a lot of dread and panic and heaviness when I know they’re coming home and I’m really not sure why. I wonder if I feel a lack of control when they’re home? Like my life is on hold as they presume we’ll be free to see them all the time. I don’t want to feel like this as we don’t see them that often but when we do it’s just too full on and intense for me. I’m a bit stuck with how to move forward with this one…I don’t want to be dreading their visit for the next 4 months.

 

 

Answer:

Before moving forward, take a little time and let the dread be there. It’s not a problem that has to be solved. There’s nothing wrong with you for feeling this way.  Notice you have a model on a model. The first is your thought about them coming home for Christmas, and the second is you judging yourself for dreading it.

We are often in a hurry to move forward and not feel uncomfortable, but uncomfortable is not a problem. Opening up to all emotions is where you find freedom. What we truly dread is a future feeling. When we stop being afraid of feelings, there’s nothing to dread.

What other people think is none of your business. Focus on what you want to create this Christmas and who you want to be and how you want to show up. If you knew you could have the exact holiday you wanted, what would it look like?  See what comes up and bring it back to Ask a Coach.