Family issue with partner’s mother

My mother-in-law is having some major health issues, some of which can be controlled with lifestyle changes. I have made many changes to my diet and lifestyle over the past few years and living healthy is a big part of who I am and what I enjoy learning about. I love my mother-in-law and it’s really hard for me to see her suffering. I want to be able to love and support her without feeling the need to “fix” her and I’m having a really hard time with this. She doesn’t seem open to making the changes I would suggest, and I’m having trouble letting that go and letting her make her own choices. I want to love her and let her be who she is. I would love some suggestions on how to coach myself on this.

 

 

Answer:

Take a moment and think back to before you decided to make changes to your diet and lifestyle and you learned about healthy living and made a choice to identify with it as a part of who you are.  Now imagine someone you care about deeply coming to you and telling you how you could fix yourself with their suggestions. What would that experience be like for you? Perhaps it happened and you have a sitution you can remember specifically.

You get to live how you want to live. Your MIL gets to do what she wants. She doesn’t want to make changes and she doesn’t want to adopt your ideas about healthy living. If she did, she’d ask.

No matter how well intentioned our manuals are, they are still manuals and they still cause us a lot of pain. Your brain thinks following your manual would save her pain. Putting down your manual will save you pain. You have some awareness of this already, but the key to letting go is to really see what you are creating. What would you get to feel if she would adopt a healthy lifestyle? That’s what you’re actually looking for. Bring it back to you and see what comes up.  Bring your questions and models back for more coaching.