My brother has struggled with addiction for several years now. He has also struggled to find a job for a long time, and is living with my parents. I live in another country so I dont get the day to day- but it has still effected me a great deal- especially feeling the effect it has had on my parents has been very hard. This summer I have spent some weeks at home with my family, and it has been difficult to know how to be around my brother. One dinner he showed up high, and it created a strong sense of insecurity in me. The situation has put strain not only my relationship with my brother but also with my parents and between them. Addiction effects the whole family. I dont even know what to do, where to begin or how to “solve” this. I dont know what my question is, because I guess I just remain in a state of paralysis and overwhelm when it comes to this issue. Any tips or advice would be most welcome. Thank you!
Answer:
What sounds like love? Love for you, your parents and your brother. Our brain wants this to be a very complicated problem but no matter what, you get to choose your reactions. If you could be your most favorite version of yourself around your brother, what would that look like? I don’t know what kind of drugs so please adjust your models to be objective, but I’ll guess for the example.
C: I smelled marijuana and noticed my brother’s eyes were red at dinner
T: I don’t know how to be around him
F: Insecure
A: what did you do or not do?
R: What is your result?
C: Same
T: ?
F: love
A: ?
R: What do you want your result to be?
It’s ok if you’re not sure yet, just play with it and see what feels best for now.
