Family PMDD, ADHD & Rejection

I am day 17 with PMDD so am trying to be aware of feelings of being triggered & reaching out for help rather than reacting.

There seems to be a pattern within my family where by my younger sister is involved in my parents life daily – mainly because of logistics, and I feel outside of the family circle. From a very young age I have always felt like I was less liked than her. Having undiagnosed PMDD & adhd within a chaotic and sometimes volatile household won’t have helped with my ability to be calm and get along with my family members.

Now as an adult we are all close and get along well, but I am always the last to find out about things & just not as included as my sister. I am used to this normally but today I just found out my dad has been unwell and no one told me. I found out in a family watts app group with an Aunty casually mentioning it.

I felt deep anxiety about my dad, and a wave of sickness about why no one has told me. I struggle with terrible paranoia due to PMDD.

I’d love some feedback / support with my thought above and models below.

C – found out dad has been unwell from Aunty
T – is he going to die
F – anxious
A – catastrophise in my mind
– Google symptoms
– worry about him
R – feel anxious

C – found out dad has been unwell from Aunty
T – why am I only finding this out now
F- rejected
A – think about all the times I’ve felt left out by my family
– shut down emotionally
– compare myslef to my sister unfavourably
– Respond to texts to family in a more shut down short way
– tell myself it’s because I’m a bad person
– tell myself no one loves me
– feel guilty for being so selfish and making this about me
– respond in anger to myslef that I have PMDD and it effects everything
R – reject myself

Intentional –

C found out dad has been unwell from Aunty
T – I hope he’s ok
F – empathy towards my family
A – message my family and ask if I can help
– remind myself I can do good things to help this situation
– remember my parents are adults and I am not responsible for them
R – am empathetic

Thank you

 

Answer:

Whenever your thought is a question, answer it. This will give you a lot more clarity in your models. Your brain is already answering these questions fro you unconsciously so bring the answers to where you can see them. In your first model T: Is he going to die? What would happen if he dies? Probably T: I’ll feel terrible if my dad dies.  brings you to a result of R: I feel terrible now while he’s alive.   Worry feels useful but it never is.

In your second model you have T: Whay am I only finding out about this now? You probably have answers you have practiced for a long time, do a thought download and see what comes up. Just write a full page without editing or judging your thoughts.

I would offer you don’t try to get to an intentional model until you’ve allowed yourself to feel your feelings around this situation and you get a bit more awareness of why you are feeling this way. Getting to the root and really seeing what is happening is incredibly powerful and you don’t want to skip it. Especially when you are at a tender place in your cycle, be extra compassionate and let these thoughts fly onto paper rather than towards anyone.  Bring any questions or models back for more coaching.