Fear of being in the spotlight

I’ve been reintegrating back at work for almost a year. I’ve spent the year being gentle with myself . Protecting my boundaries . Saying no to additional work . In the meantime exploring my love for herbalism. I almost signed up for another course but decided not to give myself space to breathe. I’ve been working 3 days a week. I recently won a prestigious award that covers half my time at work so I don’t have to do as much acquisition .
I found this out a week ago and didn’t tell anyone , cause I wanted to figure how I felt about . Now the news is out and my boss is posting on linked in how proud and people congratulating me me. I find myself cringing under the spotlight . Super awkward. And I feel like I want to hide. I’ve been trying to coach myself to figure what this is about .

Model
C: I got the grant
T. I don’t like all this attention
F . Embarrasssed
A. Hide away , avoid people

As I write this I’m trying to get curious . Why does it scare me. I think I’m telling myself that showing up means that I’m going to be under scrutiny for failure, that the task is too big for me to: maybe is fear of failure. Also fear that I might have to give up my herbalism studies

Please help

 

Answer:

 

It seems like there are several unintentional thoughts emerging right now. How does this make so much sense for you? What if this is the part of being seen that feels uncomfortable, and where your brain freaks out and that’s okay? Notice what comes up for you when you consider this idea that perhaps this response to being in the limelight is part of your default process and it’s okay – it’s just data for you about how you respond to news about you being shared.

Lastly, send some dedicated love to the version of yourself in this unintentional model, and notice what happens when you do.