Fear Of Sex Part 2

I want to have sex with my partner but the obstacles are my fear of getting pregnant and not wanting to go on hormonal contraception. And I guess the only way to overcome this is to educate myself more about other protection or when to have sex during my cycle. Or to just start having safe sex slowly and build up my confidence.

(I need to speak with my partner about this but working on my part first)

Q. Why do you think it has served you to not decide on a contraceptive method?
It has served me not to go on a contraceptive method because I feel more in control of my body, my hormones and my mental health. However, it does not serve me because it increases my anxiety about getting pregnant.
Q. Why do you think that you’ve allowed anxiety to be the emotion driving your choices during intimacy?
I guess anxiety and fear are the emotions here. I think it’s because I know the consequences of my actions by choosing not to use any other form of contraception other than a condom could result in a pregnancy I do not wish to have (but my partner goes because he wants children)

As I move forward I want the emotion that drives my goal to be trust. I want to be able to trust that I am keeping myself safe from the fear and anxiety. Safe from an unwanted pregnancy. But I want connection and fun with my partner to be a part of that too.
You said “Do what you need to do to feel safe and let the rest just be fun. Does that feel possible to you?” I wish it was. I want to believe it is possible.
What do I need to do in order to choose a contraceptive that supports my desire? The thing that came into my head was to speak with a medical professional. Maybe there is a class or a course where I can learn to safely have sex without hormonal contraception. I won’t lie, it’s not because I can’t be bothered with that, but all of that sounds long-winded and possibly delaying me taking action.
I would suggest using the internet/social media instead, but I worry that too many voices, too many experiences, will confuse me or increase the anxiety and cause a sense of panic and make the gap between wanting and having bigger.

You’re right, I don’t believe that it’s possible to enjoy full sex. To me, it is a thing to fear and only leads to one thing – pregnancy. And obviously that is not the case, people have sex without getting pregnant.

 

 

Answer:

So good. Keep exploring. I would offer that you may want to look a bit more into what you believe about your partner. You said he wants children. Do you trust him fully enough to be intimate in this way? Why do you think he’s been ok with your level of intimacy as it has been?

Go with your gut on finding information. A really helpful thing to do can be making a model with a deadline.

C: I am in a relationship with X

T

F

S

A

R: I choose a contraceptive method by Y date that will allow me to comfortably have full sex.

Check in with yourself. Notice where you are holding back or any obstacles. You don’t have to do this. Just if you want to trade the uncomfortable of not choosing for the uncomfortable of moving forward, this is one way.  There is no rush.  See what you find in your self coaching. Have the conversations you need to have to get a full picture. Listen to your heart.  Check in with your body. Safety is so important. Support yourself as you find it.