Fear of success and dissappointment after reaching a huge milestone aka publishing a book

C: I wrote a book for a large and famous publisher on a hot topic, which I provide 15 years of experience as a scientist and consultant. The topic has become more controversial lately.
T: It is so much work STILL, I´m tired of working on the book, I want time and space for myself apart from work.
F: I feel fear in various shades. Fear of being seen, fear of having made mistakes and being called out for it, fear of loosing my hard-earned reputation, fear of criticism, fear of ppl. not liking my book and not liking me.
I feel surprised and dissapointed that I don´t enjoy having published a book, something that was on my bucket list. I don´t feel proud of myself or enjoy it, instead, I feel fear, exhaustion, overwhelm, annoyed that I had to invest more time than planned which affected my income negatively, and the disappointment.
I feel anger and resentment regarding the tradeoff gotten out of hand between working on projects that earn me money now vs. investing in the book.
S: I´m feeling tired, sluggish, unmotivated to do anything. I blamed it on PMS, which I did have on another level last month, but now I´m way into the spring season of my cycle and don´t feel much better.
A: I procrastinate on important things, such as updating my social media accordingly, and pretending that they don´t matter. Don´t reply to emails from the editor, Don´t celebrate the actual publishing milestone.
What are your suggestions for me to move forward?
R: I don´t move important things forward which then keep lingering around, creating the stress of too much work on my plate. Spend a lot of time thinking about what I have to do without doing anything.

How can I get unstuck here?
How can I find a healthy balance between book-work and paid-work?
How can I enjoy this remarkable achievement?
How can I transform the many shades of fear and dissappointment?

This is my first time of working with the model, very excited about it! Thanks for your help.

 

 

Answer:

 

So great that you brought this here. Sometimes when we hit milestones, our expectations of how we will feel can clash with reality. One way to get unstuck is to really assess what’s keeping you where you are – instead of putting the pedal on the floor, get out and see whether you’re high-centered, in a rut, or in 2 feet of mud.

Good first try with the model – what I notice is that there are many thoughts and feelings in each line. This is awesome because it helps you know what’s going on inside your head – it’s more of a thought download. Try pulling one idea from this download and plugging it into a model. For example:

C: Published a book
T: I don’t enjoy having published a book
F: Disappointed
S: Where do you feel the disappointment in your body? Describe what it feels like (heavy, weighty, tight, chaotic, empty, etc.)
A: What do you do when you feel disappointed because you think I don’t enjoy having published a book? What don’t you do?
R: My guess is that you continue to not enjoy your accomplishment.

Why is it a problem that you don’t enjoy having published a book? Have some compassion for yourself and give yourself some grace – you’re in the right place to be looking at this.