Feeling a bit rubbish possibly to do with ectopic pregnancy and thinking about trying again Part 2

Thanks I had somehow missed the pregnancy loss call with Amy. I watched it and found what she said about the three weights you carry very helpful.

I did some journaling and I would say no I don’t think my low mood is solely connected to the ectopic pregnancy but whenever I tell people I’ve been feeling crap they say that’s probably why.

I feel like I came out of the ectopic thing stronger. I have really been working with the thought ‘I am exactly where I’m supposed to be’ and finding it helpful. I felt like the silver lining (if I can call it that) of the ectopic was that I would have this extra time to get some more writing done but I’m not sure if this has put pressure on me. Like I have to produce something really good for it to have been worth it or beating myself up that I haven’t.

I feel like there’s an internal battle going on between the side of me that desperately wants another baby and the side of me that wants to write and is worried about the set back. When journaling I wrote down ‘It feels like wanting to have my cake and eat it.’ Only then did I realise that I don’t believe I can have both and that this is a thought error. This feels like a breakthrough because of course it should be possible for me to write and have a family. I already do.

When I ask myself what I want it’s a successful writing career while remaining present and connected with my family/people I care about.

I like the idea of how you do one thing is how you do everything but I don’t think I’m embodying it right now or not in the way I’d like to. It comes out of wanting to be more mindful and present and approach things with enthusiasm rather than a sigh but I see that I am using it as another way I am failing.

 

Answer:

 

You’ve done some beautiful self-exploration here. Well done. Take a moment to pause and look for evidence as to how it’s possible to have a successful writing career while remaining present and connected with your family/the people you care about. Where do you find confirmation that this is an achievable dream for yourself and others? What do you think the challenges of leaning into the belief in this possibility are?

Secondly, in what ways are you actually realigning yourself with the supportive side of the thought, “How you do one thing is how you do everything,” right now? What do you want to change about what you’re telling yourself so that this thought is supportive for you instead of evidence that you are failing?