Feeling defensive

Hey coaches!

I read something in a facebook group yesterday that really activated some strong defensiveness in me. I listened to the pep talk about what to do when I dislike what someone said, and I’m bringing my self-coaching model to you for feedback.

*Unintentional Model*
C: someone writes words in a FB group
T: I am being judged unfairly
F: defensive
A: I ruminate about it all evening, I am not present with my friends at dinner, I look for validation from my partner that I am a ‘good person,’ I fight with the other person in my head and think of all the things I could say that would change their mind, I do not trust my own authority, I judge myself unfairly, I catastrophize that I’m going to have to leave the group because now it is not a space I want to engage with (yes, because of one post), I assume everyone thinks poorly of me
R: I am judging myself unfairly

*Intentional Model*
C: someone writes words in a FB group
T: they are allowed to be wrong
F: relieved
A: no action required, I just let their comment go. I have nothing to prove
R: I get to be right about me!

*IM 2*
C: someone writes words in a FB group
T: so-and-so might not be managing their mind, how human of them!
F: compassion
A: I remember that I’ve written things from an unmanaged mind before, I remember that everyone is imperfect and that’s awesome, I relieve myself of the urgency to fight this person and make them see my side of things
R: I allow space for my humanity and theirs, drama-free

Thanks for your insights!

Answer:

Look at that self-coaching! How are you finding the accessibility of the thoughts in your IMs? If you are feeling resistance to them, ask yourself why? Usually what’s in the way of us being able to step into our IMs are thoughts that need some tending to, or unprocessed emotions from our UM. If the intentional models DO feel accessible to you, that is wonderful. How can you revel in them and give grace to your perfectly human response? You have created solid models here. Well done.