Feeling guilty/lazy while being sick

Hi coaches, I am experiencing some negative feelings in the past few days and I’ve done some thought work and tried to put them in a model. Since the beginning of this week, I am at home, with Covid and I am feeling pretty bad, I was not lucky to get the mild symptoms. I’ve taken sick days from work and have been spending nights barely sleeping because of fever and the days catching on some sleep. I noticed that many times when I get sick and need to lay in bed to recover, I am making it so much harder for myself to recover. I wrote down two versions of the model because I put this pressure on myself but also on myself at work.

Work
C: Sick at home with flu.
T: I will be behind with work.
F: I feel unproductive.
A: I keep checking my work email. I reply to my work email when I think it is urgent. I think my colleagues are probably judging me for taking so many sick days (4 at the moment). I’m already planning my agenda for the next working week.
R: I stress myself. I put pressure on myself thinking it is just the flu and should be able to log in at least half a day to work.

Personal
C: Sick at home with flu.
T: I should be doing more.
F: I feel guilty.
A: I talk myself down as being too sensitive and that I ‘should’ girl up. While sitting in bed because I feel very sick, I think this is a not good use of my time. So, I try to do some chores or work on some hobbies, or watch a webinar (but all of these tire me even more). I pity myself and tend to talk to complain about my symptoms to close family.
R: I push myself to do unnecessary things, thinking I am lazy instead of allowing myself time to recover.

What I would like the feeling to be is: caring for myself. Allowing myself to be sick, feel all of this and recover. But I am struggling to find this model where I feel caring and compassionate toward myself.

Thank you in advance!

P.S. Listening to Maisie’s podcast on ‘Lazy’ helped me when the first feeling was ‘I feel lazy’.

 

 

Answer:

We’re so sorry you’re sick and hope you feel better. What a great opportunity to practice being compassionate with yourself. Life often just forces us to slow down. What both of your models have in common is a lot of judgement. You have probably practiced a lot of beliefs about how you should show up in the world no matter what is going on personally. That’s ok. It might be a big jump to get to fully compassionate and allowing yourself to just rest and recover. Try some ladder thoughts. For example: I notice I keep thinking I should be doing more. I’m afraid I will be behind at work and that’s ok. It’s possible I can allow myself to rest. It’s possible everything will be fine when I get back to work. Rest is the most productive thing I can do right now.

Imagine yourself as a small child, pick an age that stands out to you. You may even have a picture of yourself you could put by your bed. Every time you start speaking to yourself with judgement about resting while you are sick, you are speaking to them. What do you want to be saying to them instead? Be very gentle with yourself. Covid brain is a real thing. If thought work is too much, you have permission to just completely rest now, friend.