Feeling neutral about what family members say

Hello, I would like to feel more neutral about what individual family members say. At the moment, I’m approaching ovulation and I feel good about myself so this feels more manageable. Therefore, I would love to use this moment to create models and ladder thoughts that I can come back to during times when their words may feel more like an affront/attack to me and have more potential to open up old wounds.

C: family member X says some words (maybe about what they or other people have done and I have a tendency to interpret it as if they want to brag)
T1: they said some words and I decide what I make their words mean
T2: they like to talk about themselves and that is ok
T3: they are simply telling me something about their life
T4: they are trying to tell something funny
F: unaffected
A: I don’t interpret their words in relation to me
A: I don’t feel offended / triggered
R: peace
R: calm

If you have any feedback on this model and the thoughts, I would be grateful. Thank you in advance!

 

 

Answer:

It really common when you’ve previously felt very affected by people’s words to want to feel neutral about them. That seems like it will bring a lot of relief, or the abscence of uncomfortable emotions. The thoughts you’ve come up with here will work wonderfully for that. Check in and make sure you believe tham and they resonate then all you need to do is practice them and believe it’s possible to not be offended by their words.

I would offer that you be curious about wanting to feel neutral, though. If we laid out a platter of all the emotions in the world you could feel towards your family, is neutral the one you would pick? What if you could love these people unconditionally instead? In their humanness with all the things they say and even with how you interpret them as bragging sometimes…what would it feel like in your body to just love them? Love is the best feeling and it is always possible. Think of someone else in your life that you adore who also likes to talk about what they’ve done. Notice how you don’t add that extra meaning to their words that you do to your family members’. Use that as proof that it’s possible to do this.  What do you think?