Feeling Numb When Old Friends And Family Members Reach Out Pt. II

Thank you for your thoughtful reply! I would like to start with my family. In the past, I was often expected to help my brother and father. One of the instances that had a very profound effect on me was when I graduated from university, was offered the job I always dreamed of and almost didn’t get any attention from my family because my brother and father were having problems at that time. So I was expected to help them (which I did reluctantly) and when they were in a better place they were celebrated. This was a hugely painful experience for me. I probably carry a lot of resentment due to instances like this. I really don’t know how to go on from here so I’m leaving it here. I’m looking forward to your reply.

 

 

Answer:

Humans do one thing: what they want. You’ve described helping your brother and father as something you did reluctantly. Your brain’s reason for this is because you were expected to.  Can you see how you have given away your power in the way you tell this story?  You’re right on that this will bring resentment. What if you told the story another way? Why did you help your family at this time of graduation for your own reasons?

What were you thinking that brought you so much pain?

Did you allow yourself to process disappointment at their reaction (or lack thereof) or did you stuff it down and roll it into resentfully helping?