Feeling resentful when loved ones want some of my time

Hi lovely coaches!

As I was completing the End of Season review worksheet, I noticed a challenging pattern in my life as of late.
Since I joined TFC, I’ve experienced some incredible expansion, growth and success which has translated into a new self-concept.
This shift has also brought a lot of work opportunities and a new home, to which I dedicate more of my time than before. As a consequence, I have been feeling really anxious and almost ‘jealous’ of my time, (even suffocated) by loved ones asking to meet up / call / organize activities together. I don’t want to turn my family and friends down, but I feel really stretched and am often tired, a place where I know I can’t support my self or others.
Here’s the model I think I am in:
C: Loved ones suggest to meet up T: They want another piece of me (it’s not the kindest thought, but it feels quite real) F: Resentful A: Delay answering, Say yes but without meaning it 100%, overbook my schedule, become ‘colder’ in my communication, not show up honestly, not open up to them about my struggles R: I am not giving myself authentically to myself or to others.

The model isn’t completely refined, but it feels very raw and present to me right now. I feel really selfish and spoiled for being in this model. I’d like to be grateful for all the love and support I get from the people in my life. But sometimes all I see is what they are asking from me and I feel stretched.
I’d appreciate any insights and happy to work on this coaching further!
Thank you in advance!

 

Answer:

This is actually a really present model for many Flow-ers and humans everywhere. I would like to chime in on your R line, and offer that it may be that you continue to make your choices based on what you think they want you to give instead of about about what you want to give. How does this land?

When it comes to people pleasing, it’s very easy to feel like we have one safe option to respond with: a yes. So, it makes sense that you feel like you have to say yes even if you don’t want to…your brain is saying, “‘No’ is not safe for us. You have to say yes to stay safe.” The great thing about this is that your brain and body are working very well and fulfilling their biological duties to keep you in community and, therefore, alive. There is nothing inherently wrong with being in this model – remember, the model is a tool for building self-awareness and you are using it in exactly the right way as long as you don’t use it against yourself.

For now, your work is to process the emotions that you feel, and uncover the thoughts that you have about what this model means about you – letting go of whatever shame is attached. Put this model in the C line and do a thought download. Include some bridge thoughts…”It’s possible…” “Maybe…” “I’m becoming a person who…” When you can let go of the self-judgment even a little bit, you create the opportunity to take your next step. Also, watch the People Pleasing webinar in the cycle toolkit. It’s so good. Come back for more coaching when you’re ready in a post titled, “Resentful of Loved Ones pt. 2.”