Feeling shame about feeling disappointed

First I thought this is the model:

C: I finished my bachelor’s in primary education and wasn’t called to the stage (the 6 people with best grades did), even though mine were better than the ones from one person, that was called to the stage.
T: I wasn’t good enough. (not sure what I really thought?) -> maybe (They’ve calculated something wrong)
F: Disappointed
A: shallow breath, talking with family/boyfriend/friends there about it, talking to myself like (it doesn’t matter. It just matters that I’m satisfied and proud of myself. I shouldn’t feel disappointed. I’m being arrogant for wanting to know if there was a fault). Wasn’t confident enough to ask about it.
R: I feel shame about thinking this.

But after thinking about the model, I came up with this second one…

C: I felt disappointed and confused about not getting called on stage.
T: I’m arrogant.
F: shame
A: Talk myself down (shouldn’t be a problem, shouldn’t think this). Tell my boyfriend that I’m curious and really want to know, but don’t want to be arrogant and go ask how they’ve calculated it… Didn’t ask. Overthinking it.
R: I’m thinking about myself as arrogant for just thinking about asking.

I feel shame about that situation. I think, that I shouldn’t feel like that, because I just have to be proud of myself and don’t need the recognition of someone else. I know that my family is proud of me.
But thinking about that… I think I don’t really celebrate myself and am not as proud as I would like to be. I think, that I’m talking myself down a lot like (It wasn’t that difficult. I didn’t have to do a lot to get good grades. Feel bad about people working really hard/learning a lot and still don’t get good grades.)
And overall the whole situation with calling the people with the best grades on stage… I think that’s not very good, because of people that worked very very hard, but didn’t get as good grades… So I don’t know why I’m making such a big thing out of this small situation. 🙂

I just was very curious about it. Did they calcute something completely different? Did they just forget me?
I wasn’t confident enough to ask yesterday at the event. Not sure if I should just email and ask, that I can let go?

I’m realling looking forward to your answer 🙂

 

Answer:

 

Great insights here, and wonderfully done models. Often (and especially as people who identify as women), we’re told that arrogance is a bad thing. But is that true? Let’s imagine for a moment that there is nothing wrong with being arrogant from time to time and wanting recognition for the work you’ve done. Where do you go with that idea? What thoughts or feelings burble to the top?

When you respond, please label your post, “Feeling shame about feeling disappointed pt 2” so we know what you’re writing back about.