Hello!
I’m in a period of deep transformation, it feels like, with my work – sowing new seeds with my freelancing, and the way I promote myself online too.
As a result, I’m feeling quite vulnerable, and struggling in social situations that involve any kind of ‘putting myself out there’ or meeting new people, especially when people ask what I do etc. It feels quite raw! And i’ve had anxiety around money recently. So I find these conversations difficult.
This includes anything to do with dating. I do absolutely want a partner. But, I also recognise that there is some softness and need for self-protection right now, which feels good to honour.
I went on a queer night out with some friends I don’t know as well, and chatted to some girls (but felt all of these feelings – like, this is too much for me right now).
Equally, I would like to have fun! And am conscious of not losing myself in work.
Also: on this night out, I didn’t feel conscious in my outfit, felt aware of some weight gain, and this added to the whole thing…. Of not feeling confident in social situations.
Essentially I think there is a mix of: feeling exposed and vulnerable in my work / feeling conscious of my body / and money worries all coming together to make feel less confident socially right now.
Do you have any tips on handling this? Is it the case that I can just accept: right now, social stuff like this isn’t a priority for me? Is that valid?! But also I didn’t like how unattractive and shy I felt, either… because that didn’t feel good.
I’d love to be feeling as powerful showing up socially again – as I have in the past. But maybe right now it’s ok to be tender with myself.
Thanks so much
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