Feeling stretched

Hello, the last six months have been really intense. My grandpa and my uncle both died within five months. I moved into a new flat. I have a lot of big projects at work that I need to finish. There were / are some frictions at work and at the horse stable where I go to on the weekends. There were some really great things (like moving into a new flat and starting a new job / leaving a toxic one behind), but I just feel like I have very limited capacities at the moment. I am more of an introvert anyway, but because I am so stretched at the moment I haven’t seen some friends in a while and don’t engage in group activities at work or at the stable so much because I just don’t have the energy. Then I think that some people feel offended and I feel bad for pushing people away that are trying to be nice and worry that I will be alone. So it’s all very difficult for me at the moment. I’ve done some models around all of this but the recent death of my uncle just made it more difficult. I haven’t done a proper model around this, but just needed to write this down. Thank you for reading!

 

 

Answer:

We’re so sorry for your losses. In grief, the most helpful thing is to just allow it. It’s very normal to have a limited capacity. You’ve done well recognizing this. Grief takes a lot of energy. What do you think is most important right now? Make a list of essentials.  Make a list of things that pour into you. Then make a list of things you don’t want to spend your energy on at the moment.  When you choose this intentionally, it can be a very powerful way of supporting yourself.  For example, when my baby daughter died I had 3 young children in grade school. I chose not to worry about any little homework pages they brought home. I communicated it, and I let go of that weight. I chose to believe we’d all be fine without fighting over math problems for a few months. Pre-grief me was very much invested in following all the school rules. After grief, I had to adjust.  How can you make some small, simple shifts in order to support yourself through this difficult time? No models needed.