Feeling Stuck and Captive

I am in a circumstance, where I am living in a foreign country with my husband, and we are waiting for his green card to be approved. I am really unhappy in this country, and don’t connect with the people. I have been here on and off for five years, and have made connections, but people here are much more closed than I am and I feel I’ve had to dull myself here. I also can’t drive, which is so hard for me, because I am used to getting in my car and driving to nature to have a solo trip when I need a reset. I don’t have a job, and am just starting a business with my husband, but that is also on hold until we get more funding. My husband and I both are unhappy and wanting to leave, but I keep telling myself that I can’t. And I feel like if I left without my husband I would be deserting him. Deep inside of me, I feel like I know I want to leave, but I carry so much guilt with this, that I don’t know how. We should get the green card in two or three months, and even though I know it isn’t very far away, I don’t know if I can stay here anymore. I don’t have anything actually holding me here, but I have this feeling that if I leave, then I am being weak and I am running away. So, basically I am asking for coaching on how to deal with this situation, because I know I deserve to feel happy again and reconnected.

 

Answer:

Before we dive in, take a moment to take some deep breaths, give yourself a hug (however that looks for you), and honor the fact that what you’re experiencing is painful and challenging. You need love from yourself right now.

What I am picking up on is internal opposition…”I need to go, but I can’t,” and you have illustrated several things that it would mean about you if you were to leave (I’d be deserting my husband, I’m weak and I am running away). But, these are thoughts, they aren’t truths.

You can go. Unless someone is holding a gun to your head, leaving the country is an option. And you can make it mean something different about you. When you think, “I have the freedom to leave the country,” how do you feel? What would you do from this place? What wouldn’t you do? What result do you think taking those actions would create for you that’s connected to this T? Come back when you’re ready for more coaching on this with a submission titled, “Leaving the country pt. 2”.