Feeling stuck and lack of direction

Hello, I wanted to ask about the feeling of being stuck/stagnant/bored in life generally. I have a good job, a wonderful husband and it feels like on the surface I have nothing to complain about, my life is easy compared to most people. But I’ve always had this feeling of what’s happening now isn’t enough, and find myself quite often looking for the next thing – changing jobs, moving house, wanting a baby etc, so much so that currently my things to buffer are to look at houses and jobs constantly, and google things around infertility. And I can feel it within my body the urgency to keep looking at these things almost obsessively, and then I feel like I spin out and judge myself for doing it and then feel sad (probably a mix of models going on!), and then retreat, eat and binge watch tv. Overall I think I spend a lot of time dis-regulated, but I’m not clear on whether it’s just some crappy thought creating this, or if I do actually need to change something in my life. I think I’m lacking a bit of a purpose/direction but draw a blank on what that could be, and am probably getting overwhelmed even trying to figure that out. That’s a bit of a download, but I’m hoping an outside perspective can shine some light on how I can break the cycle of dis-regulating myself, and a kinder way to find some direction than how my brain is currently going about it.

 

Answer:

This is such a great question to bring to AAC. Let’s quickly model this out based on what you’ve said here.

C: Life

T: What’s happening now isn’t enough

F: Stagnant

A: Look for the next thing (houses, jobs, baby), obsessively house shop, job search and google infertility, buffer

R: Continue to think that what’s happening now isn’t enough

I think you’re absolutely right that there are layers of models here. And that’s okay. Life can’t be wrapped up well in a single model. It’s so easy to feel like we’re captives on a runaway train when our brains start spinning, but it’s not our only option. There’s nothing inherently wrong with wanting something different – but our brains sometimes tell us that there is. In what ways can you look at this model from a different perspective (or, said differently, what other thoughts could you choose to think about it?)? Take note of any that feel accessible to you right now, or inviting, or even surprising and enticing. Lastly, check out the Creating Safety webinar in the Cycle Toolkit tab for more ideas on NS regulation. When you’re ready, come back to us for more coaching on what you’re experiencing and realizing.