Feeling stuck on a thought about the relationship

Hello there!
I am stuck on some thoughts about my relationship.

So my circumstance here are our conversations. My thoughts about it are simply that they are not interesting, and I feel bored. I then go into a disconnected mode, not asking further questions and also not sharing more. I get irritated with his reactions – nice, cool, good! I get irritated he doesn’t ask me further questions. In the end, I don’t even feel like talking to him. My result, of course, is that our relationship becomes very dull and not interesting.

I was exploring now how I would like to feel about my relationship and I realised one thing that keeps coming up is that I want to feel stimulated.
Intelectually and also spiritually and emotionally.
I had an ex-boyfriend with whom I had this strongly. And I keep coming back to that person, or better said, to that relationship, because I felt this so strongly. And even though my ex-partner was more “problematic” (had issues with alcohol and could become sometimes aggressive ), he was highly interesting. Because he was interested. He was reading books and watching movies and thinking about things. He was looking into the world and people and thinking.
For me, feeling stimulated makes me feel alive. I am connected to the world, to the surroundings, to people. And I observe that my boyfriend is not that interested in this things. This makes so, so deeply sad, and despite all the love I feel for him, I ask myself, specially during my autumn, whether this is the relationship I want to be in.

I think there is so much here, so much I can still explore about my relationship. But right now, I feel stuck.

I appreciate your thoughts on it!

 

 

Answer:

Hello back! Thank you for being here.  The first thought I would offer for you to question is “I am stuck on some thoughts about my relationship.” It sounds like you are really pondering your relationship and are taking the time to figure out what you really want before making any decisions. Especially when another beautiful human is involved, that’s not a bad thing.

Any relationship is going to be 50/50. Our brains like to offer to us that things were better with the ex-boyfriend but you’ve already identified that although you were stimulated, there were other problems. In Autumn, your brain may want to get rid of the most amazing partner. It may also be allowing you to see the truth without a people pleasing filter. What do you think is happening for you?

You are the best expert on you. You know what you want and it’s ok to create that for yourself. Whether it is with your current boyfriend or not. Once you’ve cleaned up some of the unintentional things going on, ask yourself this question that always brings clarity: What would love do?

Episode 20 of the Period Power podcast Making Decisions can help as well. Bring back any next questions you have for more coaching.