Feelings about protecting my kid

Hello, this happend a couple of days ago. I went for a walk with my 15 year old daughter, when we were about to cross a road 3 big dogs came running towards us. This scared me, I don’t like it when a dog jumps up to me, and my reaction was to hide behind my daughter. Nothing happened and we even laughed about my reaction but inside it felt so wrong.
I learned that I am now more scared of dogs running up to me then before. I don’t like the feeling that I don’t know what they’ll do (jump or maybe bite?) so I feel out of control. This is helpful information.
But I can’t get over the fact that I hid behind my child. A mom is there to protect her kid no matter what. Allthough nothing happened I can not accept my behaviour.
I do believe I am a good mom and I can accept I am not perfect but I would really like your help in how to process this shame.
This is my model:
C I hid behind my daughter when 3 dogs came running towards us
T I should not have done that
F Shame
S Pain in chest, short of breath, heavy head
A I can not forgive myself, I keep thinking about it
R I can not get past this, I stay stuck
Thank you

 

 

Answer:

Shame is never useful. Shame tells us that WE are bad. It can be a natural reaction but we would encourage you to ask yourself how long you want to allow shame to stay. You get to decide that. If no one has told you lately, you are worthy and whole just as you are. Nothing can change that. Not being a mother, not where your body was in proximity to your child and some dogs.  Nothing.

Your model is spot on. (the only suggestion I’d have is to make your C even more factual. “hid” is subjective.)You can see so clearly how as long as you believe you shouldn’t have done something, you will stay stuck. Because you cannot go back and change it. You can change your story, though.

I would offer that the shame might be covering up something else. What is it? Why is it easier to blame yourself than look at what’s underneath? What would you make it mean if you forgave yourself?

I would also offer that you check out the nervous system resources in the membership. How could what happened be explained by understanding fight/flight/freeze responses?  See what you find and come back with any questions or new models.