Feelings after being cheated on

Dear coaches,

First things first: I’m a newbie here and I already have found so many useful things. Thanks for being just amazing! I find myself completely stuck on something and I would like to hear your opinion about this.

In the coaching you always speak about being self responsible. You are responsible for your feelings yourself. I cannot agree with this more. But yet I find myself struggling with this.

Short version of the situation: I found out that my now ex cheated on me multiple times. I broke up with him because I caught him lying many times about it. I felt so disrespected and angry. I simply had enough. I took a few weeks to come to that decision because I still love him deeply and that just doesn’t go away over night. I feel sad because I also lost the beautiful parts when I ended it. I feel angry because he lied to me. I’m confused about why he did this.

I have some very big feelings regarding this situation and to me it truly feels like he did this to me. He did this horrible thing so it is only logical to feel this way and it’s his fault that I’m feeling it.

I notice I get stuck in feeling angry and sad when I think this. I would like to let it go but this feels impossible. Do you have some tips to break this pattern?

All the best!

 

Answer:

 

Sometimes (or really, any time) we can feel angry and sad on purpose. It sounds like this is a perfectly understandable time to decide that it’s okay to feel angry and sad – besides, they are perfectly normal human emotions. And you’re right – if he had behaved differently, you probably wouldn’t feel this way (because you wouldn’t have thoughts like, “He did this to me, and it’s his fault,” etc.). It all makes perfect sense.

Why do you want to let your feelings of anger and sadness go? Is it because they’re hard to feel or because you’re truly ready for what’s next? Get curious and honest with yourself. What comes up for you when you answer that question?