Feelings of worry around your pet

Hi there,I fought hard with my thoughts whether to bring this to coaching or not. My thoughts were: come on, people have bigger problems that this! Grow-up, this isn’t an issue! People in the community have actual problems etc. I told myself these are just sentences in my head and here I am. For Christmas, I decided to take a 10 days holiday to go visit my family. Decision is made. However, I have a cat at home which I adore – i’ve wanted a pet all my life and since one year I have this little furry friend. I have been away on holiday since I got him but this time my feelings are overwhelming me and cannot seem to have control over. Some people see pets as pets, a cuddle furry friend you take care of. Some see pets as a member of the family, someone who is depended 24/7 on you and needs you. You guessed, I am the latter. The feelings I have now are of guilt and blame, for going away and leaving him with a cat sitter. Also, I feel judged by other friends who have pets and react: 10 days is a lot, have you thought it through? What will you do with your cat? Is it too late to change the flight?
Future thoughts are the root of my anxious feelings and I am trying to avoid going on holiday and just still feeling guilty and upset about this issue. It has been a couple of bad months lately and I would like to be able to feel other things like being joyful, kind, cheerful and grateful.

I tried this model as I realised it is unclear what I am asking from you. Do I want to manage my emotions? Or do I take too much responsibility on my hands and try to control everything? Or do I need someone to tell me that if you love someone or a pet, it is normal to just feel like this?

C: going to visit my family for Christmas and leaving my cat home alone (the catsitter comes twice a day)
T: I am a bad person for leaving my cat alone.
F: I feel worried.
A: I research articles if pets actually suffering when you are gone. I try to convince myself that I am doing the right thing by putting down on paper all the good things I do for my pet. I arrange the cat sitter and make sure everything is in order. I spend more time at home with my cat. I have these thoughts that things will go bad, what if thoughts of all the dark scenarios? I excuse to my friends: yes I know it is a long time and I feel bad but I also want to see my mom and dad. I think that everyone with a pet thinks of me as a bad person. Before I go to sleep, I feel restless. I fear I will be so worried once I am on holiday.
R: I get stuck in this feeling of worry and think of other people’s opinions which makes it feel even deeper. What I create with this thought is an uncomfortable situation for myself, one that doesn’t allow me to be in the present and enjoy it. It brings up these ‘truths’ about myself, some with I struggle and some which I overcame: I need to be over responsible and take care of everyone first but myself; Always consider how everyone else is feeling and forgetting to check on me; Dependent on what others think of me.

I understand that the pet situation is taking out to the surface deeper issues but I struggle to focus on getting rid of the worry and guilt or working on the learned behaviours which are so deeply rooted in who I am. Thank you, I appreciate your help or any direction to go about this.

Answer:

We are delighted that you showed up exactly as you are in this space. You in your strengths and in your struggles are loved and welcomed here (and we love cat people!). I can see lots of thoughts about you being a bad person, or bad cat parent, but what I am not seeing is the other side of the coin. In what ways are you taking care of yourself and your cat? How are you doing the best job you can to provide for it’s safety and comfort? Can you list three ways? Can you list more?

If it’s hard to do this for yourself, extend this idea to another human…for example, someone who travels and owns a pet that they love very much. How do they care for and love their critter and travel? If it’s possible for them to do that, is it possible for you as well? What comes up for you when you do this exercise? Come back for more coaching on this in a post titled, “Traveling and pets, pt. 2”.