Finding support and safety in a new country

2 and half years ago I moved to London for my studies.
I am in the last year of my BA right now and I love what I get from the course and what I learn from being in London.
However, lately I’ve been quite lonely. I feel like I haven’t met a lot of people that really resonated with me and I have been clinging to people whom I don’t necessarily like that much but that I am surrounded by because of uni and work.

The people that I have met that I like the most are my teachers and some people in the industry who are a lot further than me in their career.
I think I would like to be ‘friends’ with them, but first of all I really don’t know how to approach that because I don’t want to cross work boundaries.
I feel so extremely ashamed for saying that and I think that is what I struggle with the most, the shame that I feel around it.
As to why I still have no friends after that long and I feel extremely rejected by any little thing that someone does or not do.
And that gets the ball rolling of me thinking about how nobody likes me and it makes me insecure and then I start acting all weird and I feel like I only get fairly close with people whom I don’t really want to be in a relationship with.
Because I am quite picky in my friends, just because I would way rather be alone than with people that I don’t feel good with and I don’t meet a lot of people that my energy connects with.

And I feel because the people that are in my life right now in London, I don’t know that well, but well enough to also not be comfortable in my own anonymity.

I want to stay in London and I feel with every bone that that is the right thing to do, but I am scared that I and this is what I can’t find the answer to, what I am I most scared of that might happen?

That I will be forever lonely? I think it’s maybe more the thought of not being good enough to be friends with and just craving a good friend that I can physically see.

 

Answer:

Connection is one of our fundamental human needs and it has been for millennia. So if your brain is telling you that if you stay in London one of the things that might happen is that you will be forever lonely or that you’re not good enough to be friends with someone, of course you’re going to feel afraid. It makes a lot of sense.
I’d love for you to explore some other thoughts that you either do have or could have about your journey with connection in London. What thoughts motivate you, inspire you, or create space for you to feel love and compassion for yourself right now? If you’re struggling to create thoughts, here are a few that you can borrow:
1) My next true friend is looking for me too
2) My experience so far is valuable
3) I am willing to continue being vulnerable to find meaningful connection
4) Lonely is a normal human emotion
When you come up with your list, select 3-5 thoughts that you’d like to be more intentional about thinking and come back to us with what comes up during this process, or what you want to work on next.